So right now I have no internet at home, I spoke with a “friend” of mine who said that he would have a look at it.  But that means I have to go drop it off and make conversation with that creepy guy.  Either that or I take it to some computer place to be fixed where they try to pluck my eyes out as usual.  So after weighing the pros and cons I think I’ll bring it for the creepy guy to fix.  I’ll tell him I have to go somewhere and so I can’t stay.  Hope it works, crossing my fingers.

Sometimes we move to new apartments or houses and still don’t feel that it’s a home, it feels like a house not a home.  Maybe that’s why there are house-warming parties.   But home is where the heart is, always has been and always will be.  Sometimes we want a change though, want a new set of walls to stare at.  Nothing’s wrong with that, but at the end we always end up back home.  For some people home is where the family is.  It may be in a mansion, apartment, or small house.  It doesn’t matter as long as the family is together.  The home would be more comfortable if it were bigger, but that too doesn’t matter as long as they are all together.

Some parents can’t wait for their children to grow up and move out, others hope that they never leave.  But in both cases they hope to that they come back home, or stay home, for holidays.  To them, home will always be where they are, not where the children have moved on to.

To me, home is still living with my parents fortunately and unfortunately until I find my new home.  Till then, this is my home.  I hope your home is as warm as mine and not just a cold building with a floor and a ceiling.

But staring at a blank page is just so…….. blank.  So empty, so many possibilities, so many stories, ideas, but, for whatever reason, none of them come out.  You try to think and you come out blank, is like your brain isn’t connected of something.  When I have writers block and try to think I see white, like I am standing in clouds, just blank and white.

Strange blog though, writing about writer’s block.  But, as my mom says, we gotta do what we gotta do………

They say water is life and it really is.  Without it we cannot and will not survive.  Rain/water washes everything so clean and pure.  Makes everything good as new again. 

It started off really sunny this morning, but I knew it wouldn’t last because there was no dew on the vehicle parked out in the open.  I can tell when it’s going to be a hot day by the amount of  dew on the vehicle which is parked out in the open.  If it has a lot of dew on a morning then it’s going to be a really hot day, if there isn’t any dew then it’s going to rain.  The sky is now grey, huge drops fall from the sky, thunder and lightning sounds and lights up the sky.  It’s only 4:25 pm but it looks like it’s 6:30 pm.  Darkness comes much faster when it rains, no sun to light up our little island in the day, no moon at night.  It’s good though, the rain also cools down the atmosphere, we will have a good nights rest tonight with the cool breeze and the calming, tranquil sounds of the rain on our rooftops.

Sleep well fellow St. Lucians, and wake up tomorrow to a new, clean world.

Sometimes stuff happens that make you cry,

Sometimes you want to jump and reach for the stars

Sometimes you just simply sit and stare at cars

Sometimes you want to say yes when you mean no

Sometimes you wish you had said please don’t go

Sometimes words are just too much to bare

Sometimes you are so involved you don’t realize you’re already there

Sometimes you want to shout when you should cry

Sometimes you just sit and wonder why

Why it is as  it is, why the sun still shines when you feel so sad inside

Why people leave, why some stay, but in the end we all go away.

But sometimes, just sometimes, the right ones stay!!!

Am I evolving into something new??? A person who actually considers the feelings of others. As a teenager an older friend of mine said something that has stayed with me always, she said, “You mustn’t be afraid of what others say but what they don’t say.”  And it’s true because people are generally (or at least I like to believe so) good-natured and sympathetic to the feelings of others.  They would never say or do anything to deliberately hurt the feelings of another.  Unless of course there were involved in a heated  argument and would actually want to hurt the other person’s feelings.  So I have always tried to say what I think, or feeling because it doesn’t make sense to keep things bottled up because they eventually come out in ways which we regret later.  So say it now, loud and clear or else we will say it later and regret!!!

So anyway, back to the Poker Face topic.  Lady Gaga (the newest in a line of singers I really like) sang a song named Poker Face. Saying that, “no one can read my poker face.”  She must have perfected it over the years I guess. But yeah, we all need a Poker Face at some point in our lives.  When we are happy, sad, angry, disappointed, surprised etc but just don’t want to show it, we need a Poker Face.  So what’s your Poker Face, or do you even have one???

Why don’t we just cut out the middle man, spend less time at work and more time at home.  The constant circles that we as humans go through every week at times feels so constraining.  We wake up, shower and have breakfast (of vice versa) then go to work, come home, shower and have dinner (or vice versa) then go to bed just to do it all over again the next day.  Then on weekends we wake up late and spend what little time we have left with our families, cleaning the house, doing chores or running errands.  And that’s what we call life, living, an existence!!! I wonder what our children will say about this in about 1,000 years.  That’s insanity, doing the same thing over and over again every day for the rest of your life.  Then when you are too old to enjoy anything, you get to retire, whooppiiieeeee!!! Finally, freedom, with just enough time to get sick and die.  And that’s what we call life.

We are born, when we start getting to know ourselves and our surroundings we are sent off to school. This continues until we finish college (most times if we want to be successful) then we get a job, start a family and work until we are too old to do it anymore.  Huh, that’s what we call a life.  But worse than this, some persons don’t even like their jobs, some hate it actually.  So for the latter and supposedly better portion of your life you go do something five days a week, for at least eight hours, that you hate. And that’s a life???

I don’t understand it, can someone please explain it to me???  Why do we do it??? The animals don’t and most of the survive pretty well.  Is is greed that has forced us as humans to religiously do something we dislike or hate??? To get out of bed in the rain, sleet, snow, in the dark of night, and drive for hours sometimes to do something that we don’t absolutely enjoy??? That we dislike??? 

Can someone please help me out with this, BECAUSE I JUST DON’T GET IT!!!

WHY DO WE DO IT???

There is now so much to catch up on, so many things has happen between then and now. Where should I begin??? My advise to others when they don’t know where to begin is simply jump in and feel your way around, so I guess that’s what I will do, hope it works for me this time.  So straight off the bat I begin with this, a co-worker has resigned and will be leaving on friday of this week.  My initial feelings when I heard the news over a month ago was utter shock, a feeling of numbness passed over me for the entire afternoon.  My nose started running which means that my tear ducts were filled but I didn’t want anyone seeing me crying to I made it run down my nose instead.  I thought I would have gone through the seven stages of grief, you know the whole  shock, anger, disappointment etc (not in that order either) but apparently I haven’t been.  I felt sad and still feel sad as I am writing this, but that’s about it I guess. I will miss her for sure, we all will, but life has to go on, she found an opportunity which would further her career so we should be happy for her in that regard and stop being selfish thinking about ourselves. 

When someone leaves, we don’t feel sad because they leave, we feel sad because we will miss them, we cry at funerals because we will miss the person, is that being selfish??? Crying or feeling sad because you are going to miss someone instead of feeling happy for them, happy that they are moving towards something greater, better in their life and their career.  I will answer that question when I myself know the answer, but for now, I am just feeling sad that she is going.  Yes I will miss her, but life goes on like it always does so….. all I can say to her is good-bye and good luck!!!

In addition to this there is also the question of who will be replacing her.  We have yet to see our new co-worker.  We thought that the person would have at least been here to be trained by the soon to be ex co-worker, but not so.   Today is Wednesday, she is leaving to Friday and nobody has been here yet to be trained.  We don’t know what she does, she works in accounts, and she was the only one in accounts, so I am very sorry but I will not be able to help my future co-worker. 

Thirdly, I stopped studying for the MBA and started to study insurance in order to get the ACII, since I work in insurance and they are paying for it wouldn’t it just make sense to the course??? In the end it will be to my benefit so, yeah I am doing it.  I have exams in October, two exams. Which in itself is pretty easy I may say, (knock on wood).  At school we do five subjects in three months, and people complain about doing more than one subject in six months for the ACII.  That’s pretty strange to me, but you have to be in it I guess and since I have just gotten the tips of my toes wet then I shouldn’t talk, at least not yet. 

Fourthly, I bought a car, yes I did, I sold the jeep and bought a car.  I never thought that I would be the owner of the car.  I don’t like cars and I am still not a car person, but I wanted a change, wanted to change my image to go with the who new look thing (the weight loss etc) so I bought a car lol lol lol.  A Mitsubishi Lancer to be precise.  Imagine me in a  car.  At first I felt extremely short, being used to driving and suv, I was always above the road and other vehicles.  Now I am below the road lol lol, if you know what I mean.  But I have gotten the hang of it so far, driving faster and more confidently now so that’s a plus, that’s good.

Will tell you about other stuff later on in the week.  I promise this time to remain in touch at least three times a week.  Talk to you soon, bye!!!